Meanwhile we've got giant turkeys strutting down the middle of Forest Ave
every day, glaring at the passing cars, just hanging out on the yellow
line without a care in the world. It's like some kind of wild animal
park over here. Bring the kids. Bring your skeet shooters. Just be sure
to stop off at John's Famous Turkey Vista and Turkey Burgers for a the
best cold lemonade you'll find on your safari. The Robins girls have a
competing stand across the street, but I should tell you they have pox.

Anyway I thought I'd get everyone up to speed on the Lengyel Family summer
plans. We go away on one or two trips this time of year like most families
in town, although ours aren't as expensive, and I know how disappointing
it is when you invite all your neighbors to a backyard barbecue and no
one shows up. I wouldn't like our vacation to spoil anyone's barbecue,
particularly when we're so keen to socialize.

The first thing we're doing is abandoning our house to the carpenter ants
for a few weeks. I feel awful, because I kept stomping and poisoning
them until I realized they were trying to finish up our family room,
which needs baseboard and crown molding. They're actually much nicer to
work with than my last general contractor. For one thing they show up on
time every day. We leave out a few open bags of Cheez-Its at night and
by 8 a.m. we've got a full crew. Not even untraceable cash payments were
enough to entice our last carpenters to work as hard as these little guys
do. So aside from their tendency to raid the pantry I'm quite satisfied
with these ants.

The Lengyels will also be out of circulation the first few weeks of
August, when a Japanese exchange student is staying with us. The head of
the program that arranged her trip said our family was ideally suited to
hosting foreigners, because we already speak English slowly and a little
extra loudly - even by American standards. The girl's name is Naoko, but
if you meet her you can call her "Noki". I haven't run that by her yet but
I'm sure she won't mind. Noki is such a cute name, and still sounds Asian.

We've racked our brains trying to think of something exciting to do with
her in Cohasset. In the end we decided to focus on out-of-town trips,
although I refuse to take her to Plymouth Rock. Obviously it's historical
as a primitive example of a tourist attraction, but once you've stared
down into its concrete pen for a few minutes and had a waffle cone,
what else is there? Now the Irish - they know how to spice up a rock. To
experience the Blarney Stone you have to kiss it while being held upside
down by the ankles. Wouldn't it be cool if we all told out-of-staters
it's considered good luck to have your picture taken on Plymouth Rock
without wearing pants? I'm telling you we'd have every odd Vermonter
down here pounding waffle cones before a month was out. This idea might
even work as a fund-raising scheme for Cohasset, if only we had a rock.

Bottom line: once the ants are done with the family room and Noki heads
home our schedule should open up for sleepovers, pool parties, yachting --
we're pretty flexible. We're good at spotting things as we drive around,
but it's more convenient for us to get an official invitation, so we can
give you ample warning about our food allergies. Thanks, and see you soon!

John Lengyel lives in Cohasset. This summer rerun was brought to you by
the rehash experts at John's Famous Turkey Vista and Turkey Burgers.